Ugh.
That's what I feel like right now: Ugh. This morning I woke up planning
to go hop on the treadmill for 3 miles, but first I went into the
bathroom, took a giant tinkle, then stripped off all my clothes
and stepped on the scale. Objective: compare weight to weight one
month ago when started 3 miles on treadmill 5 times a week. Result:
one pound lost. One. How is this possible? So then I went back to
bed and put my head on Bean's belly and talked myself out of today's
treadmill activities. Funny because most people probably have to
talk themselves into it, but I actually like it. Yet am I rewarded
for my freakishness? No. I'm not sure what to do now.
===
Life
lately has been whatever. Had high hopes for the new year, but its
first twelve days have been unremarkable. I'm writing a script,
or notes for it anyway at this point, which is good, and I'm trying
to get another different kind of book going, and I'm constantly
looking for new places to sell the P&B book, but I seem to have
exhausted all independent bookstores in a 100 mile radius. Then
there's the crap one has to deal with, like people who you've sent
review copies to and stamped a big "ADVANCE READER COPY: NOT
FOR SALE" on the title page but who try to sell it in the Amazon
marketplace anyhow, and then you send them a polite email asking
them to check said title page to make sure there's no "NOT
FOR SALE" stamp (because if they buy it and want to sell it
that's cool, but to get it for free for review and then sell it
is not) and then they email you back telling you you have too much
time on your hands and they're not selling your book in the Amazon
marketplace, and then you write them back with the link and say
please look again, and then... well, it's more fun to just read
it.
Item: Beans... Home: A P&B Adventure [Hardcover] [ASIN: 0976751...]
---- Begin message ---------------------
Can you tell me whether or not the "Beans... Home: A P&B Adventure"
book you're selling on Amazon has an "Advance Reader Copy: Not
For Sale" stamp on the title page? Thanks!
--- End message ------------------------
On Jan 4, 2006, at 3:16 PM, [Dude selling book] wrote:
We are not selling that title. It has never been in our inventory...nor
do we sell Advance copies of books.
From me:
Hi again,
I'll refer you to this page: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/offer-listing/097675/...etc.etc./
where it indicates that you are selling the book. And in fact,
as the author, I'm pretty sure I sent you guys a review copy that
was stamped "not for sale" on the title page. So if this is all
a misunderstanding, then I totally apologize, but if you're not
selling the book then it'll be easy for you to check that link which
says you are selling it and then pull it. And I love animals and
you love animals and this is totally nothing personal -- I'm sure
you understand that I have to protect unauthorized/stamped copies
of the book from being sold used. Thanks.
On Jan 4, 2006, at 6:14 PM, [Guy selling book] wrote:
Yes, I guess we do have that. But again, nothing is stamped on the
title page. Please view scan. (ed. note: Scan is of the front book
cover, not the title page.) We do not sell books unauthorized for
sale. We're disappointed in your accusation. You would think your
time was better spent than making a bad name for (your publishing
company).
From me:
(Mr. Asshat),
I'm not trying to be unreasonable or accuse you of anything. The
title page isn't the front cover; when you open it there's a green
page and then on the next facing page you'll see the title page.
If there was a "Not For Sale" stamp it would be at the top. My
only goal here is to make sure that Advanced Reader copies of my
book aren't being sold -- my intent is not to waste your time.
I'm sure you understand from a business standpoint. In fact,
I hope that it doesn't have a stamp because I love the fact that
part of your sales go to benefit animals. Thanks again.
On Jan 5, 2006, at 8:58 AM, [Mr. Asshat] wrote:
Can't
be selling too many to make such an accusation. I'm also guessing
that this is the reason you're selling none...your bad pr. I certainly
donšt understand the business standpoint...I deal with dozens of
publishers every day. None do PR like this. Isnšt it possible I
bought the book and Išm reselling it? Apparently not. Book must
be doing really bad. Donšt worry, wešve pulled the book anyway.
We wonšt be promoting it.
My
favorite part of all this? He's a radio DJ for an Animal broadcast
network. He devotes his life to animals. Also, he's in Utah, which
means he might be a Mormon, and what would John Smith say about
that? I'm probably blowing the whole exchange out of proportion
and being too sensitive, but man, let's just say it took everything
I had not to fill all my emails with the words "dick"
and "asshole", like I had to consciously hold back from
doing it, and still. I love it that he never did send a scan of
the title page when he was so keen to send me a scan of the book
cover.
===
On
a lighter note, the other day I did something stupid. I went to
a mommy & me screening of "Rumor Has It" in Pasadena.
You see, at the Paseo
Colorado mall, they have a special screening every Monday morning
at 11am where mothers take their babies. My friends with their new
babies were going, and I wanted to see the movie, and I thought,
"Someday if I have a baby I'll be desperate for interaction
with the world and then I'll have to come to one of these things
so I better see what it's like." Plus, I thought maybe all
the baby vibes in the air would tell my baby system to get in gear
since it hasn't worked the past few months even though there has
been so much sex, my goodness.
So
I pay for my ticket and the guy goes, "You know it's the screening
with babies in it, right?" and I go yeah. And I head over and
hand my ticket to the ticket ripper and she goes, "You know
it's the baby screening, right?" and I go yeah. So I walk into
the theater (my friends haven't shown up yet) and it's just filled
with mothers and like three month old babies. Two men in total,
both with wives, and like 30 moms and babies. My friends show up
right behind me and we find a block of 5 seats because they need
the space for all their junk. The movie starts, no previews, and
they turn the lights only halfway down. And the sound is so low
you have to lean in to hear it. And the babies are crying, and the
mothers are talking on their cellphones at full volume. I'm surprised
nobody bought a hibachi to cook lunch in the back.
I
think I managed to get the gist of the movie, but spent a lot of
time picking up stray stuffed animals and rattles and pacifiers
that were dropping all around me and remembering that I wasn't allowed
to say "Shhh." My review: Shirley MacLaine should have
been utilized more, and also, when you see a movie in the town where
the movie was shot, even though its residents see production trucks
lining the streets every day of their lives, they think it's the
most exciting thing in the world. Also, babies cry. A lot.
