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March
7, 2003
7:18pm Friday
I'LL
LAUGH TILL MY HEAD COMES OFF
I
just realized two things: 1) I'm hungry and kind of drunk, okay
that's two, and 2) I'm totally lacking serious hardcore nerd friends
in my life. I used to know some super serious mired-in-computer-esoterica
supergeeks, but now I don't hang out with any on a regular basis.
I was reminded of this because of this guy's
website. I kind of miss it, you know, the party conversations that
would always devolve into the merits of C++ and perl programming.
Stuff like that.
When
I was a little fourteen year-old kid (we grew up slow back in my
town in the 80s, so I was still pretty little at fourteen), I went
to these computer club meetings where I was a dork and my friends
were dorks and every month when we hung out we had the best time
trading software and being nerdy. In high school I got two basketball
awards, one at the beginning of my career and the other at the end,
and for the first one I tried to convince my parents to let me skip
going to the ceremony so I could go to a computer meeting - that's
how much I loved it. So these friends of mine, all boys I might
mention, all grew up to be computer guys. They're all successful
programmers. Me... not a programmer. What happened along the way?
It is true that math gives me a rash, but when did a total immersed
interest in all things computers give way to writing but led these
other kids to Silicon Valley? While I drive my moulding-challenged
Jetta, my friend speeds through San Francisco in his Honda S2000
convertible. This is only one tragic example of my failure and wrong-pathedness
in life.
If
this were a screenplay, here I would indicate: "(sighs)"
I
know what happened. While they were exploring basic and pascal,
I was hacking spr1nt codes (word modified slightly to avoid belated
caputuring by federal law enforcement) so I could call Chicago and
type back and forth with other BBS owner/operators. I was trying
to broaden my life-plate at fourteen, I wanted to see how other
people lived. Thus writer, not programmer. Ah.
===
If
you've been sticking with me for awhile, you may recall that back
in October I got a carpool lane ticket on the way to Pasadena because
Gray said, "This guy's too slow. Get out of the lane, pass
him!" So I crossed the double-yellows and zoomed past Slowy
Slowstein baking brownies and promptly watched blue and red whirlies
flick on in my rearview. The Fuzz. I pulled over and got a ticket
for crossing out of the carpool lane illegally, nothing to do about
it, no way to protest that simple guilty fact. Especially when I
learned that if I fought it and lost I'd become ineligible for traffic
school and would wind up with a point on my record and hundreds
of extra dollars to pay per month in insurance. So, gritting teeth,
I dished the $300 for the ticket and for the right to go to traffic
school (traffic school fee not included, of course), and waited
for my info packet in the mail. It came. I signed up at www.internettrafficschool.com
the other day and started in on the quizzes. So far I've passed
one, and that's a relief. So much pressure. And in addition to having
to remember how far in advance to put on my blinker before turning
right, and what yield means exactly, I find myself compulsively
copy-editing their website content because it's terrible. How can
I concentrate with the "it's" for the "its"
and the "your" for the "you're"? It's impossible.
The content itself is amusing - this is my favorite passage so far:
"Many things can go wrong with your vehicle so
you need to always be prepared for the unexpected emergency, like
a stuck accelerator or stalled engine or whatever."
And
I like this one, too:
"You can reduce these problems by properly communicating
with other drivers to influence their driving behavior. You can
do this in many ways that avoid shouting, yelling or gesturing."
You
mean screaming into someone's window to get them out of the fast
lane isn't the best way? How about the double-bird with a turn-it-up
twist in lieu of a one-hander?
I
should offer my web copy services when I'm done with the course.
Which could be in August the way I'm going.
Speaking
of work, I'm doing the final of this
right now. It grose. It's nothing like the theater trailer will
have you believe - it's quite, quite different with lots of ass-blood.
That's all I'm saying. I know, I'm sorry.
===
Friday
Five, because it's fun fun fun!
1.
What was the last song you heard? Idioteque by Radiohead.
I have this one mix CD in my car changer that's repeating endlessly.
You always know what I've been listening to because of my journal
entry title up there. Stuff sticks in my head and I have no choice
but to use it.
2.
What were the last two movies you saw? Last night we saw
Final Destination 2 (could the first fifteen minutes of that literal
train wreck have been any worse? That should be a question on next
week's Friday Five) and Old School. Old School = pretty fricking
funny, man.
3)
What were the last three things you purchased? A Samsung
Yepp mp3 player which I am eagerly awaiting in the mail, some seriously
overpriced gas at the Mobil, and postage for two ebay packages (one
to Japan, one to Altadena, California).
4)
What four things do you need to do this weekend? Finish designing
some wedding invitations I've been hired to make, take said wedding
invitations to the printer in the morning, go to work to finish
the last reel of the aforementioned movie, and go to a birthday
party tomorrow night.
5)
Who are the last five people you talked to? Gray, Paul (he
doesn't talk back, but I say a lot of things to him), my boss's
cellphone voicemail to which I didn't leave a message, my co-worker
to discuss the shitty non-merits of the aforementioned movie, and
to my neighbor, about the funniness of our other neighbor's Sanford
& Sons career choice.
===
Jesus,
I'm starving. Would you like my recipe for Udon noodles with walnuts
and shrimp? I bet you would!
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