April 8, 2003
11:37pm Wednesday

IT'S THE BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ IN THE DRUM OF THE EAR

Now that I've programmed the Cher Farewell Tour and Cosmetic Surgery Gone Wrong into TiVo, I have a few minutes before bedtime to tell you that I'm still working on the American Idol movie, which I can happily report is chock-full with some rock-solid pop songs for you kids out there, and that the camera does not love Kelly, but wants to make sweet love to Justin. It is written by Kim Fuller, who wrote "Spice World," and who is not a girl Kim but a boy Kim and thus the brother of American Idol show producer Simon Fuller, not to be confused with Simon Cowell, everybody's favorite butthole white-toothed on-air crumudgeon. This movie so desperately wants to be Grease.

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Tonight in yoga I embarrassed myself with an eruption of stifled juvenile laughter when the instructor said, "Now open up your pelvis and let it breathe."

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A nurse holding twin preemies, a pregnant hippie in strappy heels, and a dude with pink shoes pushing a stroller walk into a bar.

Does this freak you out like it freaks me out?

Dear Mattel, what the hell.