I
started to write this last night, but one of my college friends
stopped over in that awkward stage between when I put the baby to
bed and when I make dinner, so I didn't start cooking until 10:30
and then I had to watch Idol and how in the world did you vote Michael
Johns off, America? I can't even stand it. We're starting to get
a steady stream of visitors who want to say goodbye before we go,
and I must say that this moving thing is starting to sink in a little
bit more because of it. That and booking the movers. And having
the living room filled with boxes. And Gray moving things like my
bedside table to the garage just so we'll be visually reminded that
we're leaving.
===
I'm
bored talking about moving, so instead I'm going to make a list
of all the douchebaggy things that have happened to me in the last
week.
1)
While up north we were in the Trader Joe's in San Carlos or Redwood
City, I don't know which because their borders are mashed together,
and Gray was holding the baby and I was shopping for milk, and a
perfectly normal-looking woman came up to us and poked the baby
in the bare foot and said, "I think your baby has a problem.
His feet are swollen. I think he has circulation issues - you'd
better take him to the doctor." And I plastered a smile on
my face which I hoped was friendly and not condescending because
I like to be friendly even while looking into the maw of madness,
and said, "He's a big boy with big feet and we actually already
ran it by his doctor." But she continued talking about how
maybe if he's a water sign that that might be why, but that her
sisters have circulation problems and their feet are red too, but
look at her slender ankles because aren't they pretty? I don't remember
how we got out of it, but lesson learned: In Hollywood, crazy people
usually look like they're crazy. In San Francisco, crazy people
look like everybody else.
2)
While in my own Trader Joe's the other day, I overheard employees
talking shop. One said, "Wait, who was it who directed 'A League
of Their Own'?" and because there's nothing I love more than
a game of "Who Directed That Movie!", I walked by and
said, "Garry Marshall!" and kept walking while the guy
said, "Yeah, yeah!" Except when I got outside five minutes
later I was like Fuck! It was Penny Marshall. I am a knowitall twat.
3)
Gray had like a hundred interviews in the bay area over the last
two weeks, and in one of them he was being interviewed by two Germans
who at some point turned to each other and spoke German in front
of him. Gray reported this to me as an aside afterwards, but I was
so outraged by the rudeness of that that I could barely stand him
continuing negotiations with them. It was like when I was a teenager
and I'd go to my friend's house and his mother and her friends would
speak in Filipino around me and giggle. Holy crap that was the worst.
Now,
for what is the opposite of douchey:
1)
Selling 50 P&B books randomly to a place that was not solicited
but who found me on Amazon and even with a super discount to them
coming out ahead $-wise of Amazon, which takes 55% of the cover
price. I am now considering moving Amazon up to the douchebaggy
list.
2)
Hearing from schoolteachers how the kids in their class like the
book and being pretty sure that they're telling the truth.
3)
The end of the movie "The Waitress" where Keri Russell
has her baby and two seconds later does what she does to Jeremy
Sisto.
4)
Small going away parties being thrown for us where all I have to
do is show up and eat food and drink booze.
