June 1, 2004
11:01am Tuesday

YOU'LL DANCE TO ANYTHING BY BOOK OF LOVE

Is it Monday or is it Tuesday? I think it's Tuesday, but I'm utterly confused. Luckily there are things like garbage men and street sweepers that come around to remind me, like today when I'm walking Paul and the street sweeper passes by me and suddenly my lungs are filled with wet chemicals. It's Tuesday! On weeks like this these ways are the only ways I know.

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I think I might be on the verge of deciding to self-publish my book. I've had about ten responses from sending the proposal out, and two were semi-yesses. That is to say they weren't nos, but they weren't sign-on-the-dotted-line contracts, either. It's a high-concept non-fiction book, and I'm actually kind of surprised more houses don't want it. I'm totally not being an ego jerk -- I've never said the same thing about any of my screenplays -- it's just that it's one of those books that you know would totally fly off the shelves in film schools and bookstore film sections. So the latest 'offer' I got included no advance, no major chain distribution, and 12.5% royalties. One of their big selling points was that they have excellent distribution to libraries, but I'm not sure how that's supposed to put food on my table or even entice me, really. So I've been reading about self-publishing, and while I'd probably never do it if I were a novelist, it just might work for me with a book about the film industry since I a) live in Los Angeles; b) have no problem selling books out of the trunk of my car to places like Samuel French or even Barnes & Nobel if they'll have me (I haven't researched this yet); c) have an in-house graphic designer (i.e. I'm married to him) for a good cover which will go a long way with sales since I'm probably not the only one who does a little judging-a-book-by-its-cover in the stores. But really, if a publishing house sells my book for $17, gives me no advance, pays me approximately $2.13 for every book sold and can't even get me into Barnes & Noble...why the hell should I do it?

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And in the news today, Baby Jessica who fell down the hole in 1987 has just graduated from high school near Midland, Texas. Post matriculation, her mother was quoted saying, "We're just trying to get back to having a normal life." At first I was like, Why is it taking her 18 years to get back to normal? But I think a better way is to just embrace it. She should go around until she's ninety saying, "I'm Baby Jessica. I fell down a hole and almost died and it was on the news. Now give me a free Budweiser." That's a better plan.