July 5, 2004
9:54pm Monday

JUSTIFIED ANCIENT LIBERATION ZULU

This is what happens when you forget to pay your webhost bill before a long holiday weekend. I'm glad to see we're back up online, and I thank you for not abandoning me when you saw "No website configured at this address." Nice. I think I would have preferred "She didn't pay her bill! Come back Monday!"

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We couldn't go to the Burbank Starlight Bowl on Sunday night because of this patriotic dog here. In years past he's been semi-okay with fireworks, but Saturday night (July 3rd) we got back from a party and Paul greeted us at the door with yelping and a firehose of urine. All because of the Universal Studios fireworks display over the hill, you see. He'd been all alone listening to the thundering bass and explosions and he didn't like it at all.

So Sunday I called my Air Force band friend who'd left us tickets at the Starlight Bowl boxoffice to say we wouldn't be going because of our dog. And it sounds lame, but, you know, when your dog's petrified you can't very well leave him alone. So we stayed at home and watched American Beauty and at 9pm walked into our front yard to check out Universal's display. Paul heard the boomcrashing, cried, and went in the house. After five minutes Gray and I admitted to each other we could sort of care less about fireworks and went back inside. Only to be greeted with a nose-filling outhouse aroma. And I said, "Uh-oh," (we got brand new carpet last month and you can see where this is going) and followed the scent. And there in the corner of Gray's office was a big fat steaming mound of maird. Poopmaster Paul, what have you done?

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So today we went to look at puppies. (No, not to replace Paul!) There's a litter in Long Beach and we spent two hours holding eight golden retriever puppies and if they'll have us we'll be taking one home in four weeks. Tonight on the phone Gray's parents spent an hour trying to talk him out of it, and that just makes me full with hot, boiling rage. Kind of like how when I say to my dad, "We're buying a Honda Pilot," he goes, "You should get a Chevy Impala," only not as much.

If you are a person who doles unwarranted advice, make it your Fourth of July resolution to reconsider your stance.

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Now then, I must get back to working on "I (Heart) Huckabees" (I never thought I'd say this but I think Mark Walhberg is nearly genius) before I get fired, which I think almost just happened again. I can't live like this. The stress!