July 17, 2004
10:55am Saturday

WELL, OKAY, ENOUGH, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN

SPAM email is like a virus in your body, it mutates in order to adapt. And the way unsolicited mail is evolving is cracking me up. I mean, who started the trend of the nonsensical subject lines that we're supposed to mistake as being from our friends? A sampling of my hotmail account headers today:

garbage can 32 alchemists (to appeal to the methamphetimine cooker in me)
cab driver clocks related to 7 (seven what? I can't wait to open it and find out!)
OlderWomenSureAreH0rny (my mom and I were talking about this problem just the other day)
tuscon stuyvesant (one of the new Beastie Boys songs?)
reactor dahlias for 8005
roller coaster 7643 cowards

I could go on. It's ridiculous, but I guess there's that small chance one of them might have words stuck together which have personal meaning that'll make me open it. Like "dog beach bourbon 1000 Honda Pilots". Then I'd look inside all excited and it'd be all, "Buy Viagra N0w!!1!#!"

On a similar note, I would urge any of you who are writing to me (perhaps to complain about my lazy writing schedule lately, and I wouldn't blame you) to include something defining in the subject line. Like "Stealthpunch" or "Journal" or "Damn you, write more!"

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So...I have been gone. Down into the beautiful bowels of Orange County. Here are pictures.

The beach, in the throes of too-many-people-on-it summer onslaught.

A singing/luncheon extravaganza at the local senior center. Don't ask me what I was
doing at the local senior center! Just note that the room and I were separated
by glass and that I wasn't actually partaking in the glory of the oldies!

Okay, maybe the seniors captured my heart a little. How could they not in those
"God Bless America" outfits? I almost asked them to line up and pose for
me, but then I chickened out and snapped when they weren't looking. The
good part is they couldn't chase me even if they'd seen me and were unhappy
with my photo-taking whippersnapping shenanigans.

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I woke up in the middle of the night last night hanging out halfway over the side of the bed. My shoulder was numb and my jaw was in agony and my head hurt. Luckily I got blood test results back yesterday and they were fine, so I'm pretty sure I wasn't having a heart attack. Oh ha, ha, you think I'm kidding. Interestingly, two things came back as abnormal, which were two facets of liver bloodwork. But they weren't elevated, as alcoholics like me should experience, they were low. Meaning both that I have a vitamin B deficiency AND I can drink a whole case of Jagermeister this weekend and my liver will handle it just fine!