WE'VE SAID IT ALL AND WE'VE SAID NOTHING BUT IT'S CHANGED US
I'm
doing the same thing I did before I got pregnant the last time,
I'm drinking like a fish. It's like I'm storing it all up because
I know I won't be able to do it for a long, long time. Tonight is
a light night, and so far I've had one Sierra Nevada, one locally-brewed
beer at my pseudo girl's night with my new friends who broke up
the party due to tiredness at 10pm, and now I'm enjoying a snifter
of Remy Martin (do you like I do hear Sandra Bernhard yelling "Give
me a Remy Martin with a water back, goddammit!" when drinking
it? Perhaps not, because perhaps you are not drunk.) My worry is
that I might be pickling my liver and also my brain. Hm. I won't
talk about it anymore. Maybe soon enough I won't be drinking at
all anyway.
===
My
new favorite thing to do is to google people I've just met, and
I'm meeting a lot of people so I've got a lot of googling to do.
I said this to one of the girls tonight, how I've been googling
moms club members and their husbands, and she acted like I was a
cool spy, but now I'm thinking she's going to go tell everybody
what I've been doing and that they'll think I'm some infiltrating
nosey lameass and blackball me.
But
the spy report. All the the moms are my age, which is to say of
advanced maternal age. Almost everybody had an interesting career
before they gave birth, and now they're relegated to playdates and
storytimes. Hundreds of books have been written on the subject of
women and careers and giving birth and staying at home, of course,
so I can't add anything new, but when you're hanging out at a playgroup
talking about sleeptimes and barf with a former top Amgen sales
rep, you think about it a little bit.
I
was saying tonight to one of the girls that the moms club is a group
of surprisingly creative people. But now that I'm thinking about
it I'm silently taking it back. They're mostly businesswomen. It's
weird coming from Los Angeles to NorCal, as the dudes with the big
stickers on their trucks call it. Creativity is a different sort
of thing here. If you're part of an internet startup or you're in
marketing you're considered creative, but in LA you're a writer
or an artist or some kind of creator if you're creative. I mean
I guess it doesn't matter, labels, whatever, I'm drunk, but tonight
I was extolling the virtues of these women who are "creative,"
but what they are is intelligent with formerly high-falluting jobs.
It's not the same thing.
===
Things
on brain:
1.
I just said to Gray how unfunny and boring I am here lately, and
he said "Is this the final suicide episode of StealthPunch?"
2.
I have become a zealot about playtimes and storytime and music class
and the baby is growing a bit more sociable. It's interesting, watching
a personality take shape. While the other kids dive in and do whatever,
he stands back and watches and takes a little time before participating.
This makes it so clear to me that some things are so totally genetic.
Even though I have gone out of my way in front of him to jump into
situations and talk to people and be the opposite of a social recluse
for his benefit just so he wouldn't learn it, he still hangs back
and takes his time. (Me by nature = total observer.)
3.
I will cut my own toenails from now on. I had the second pedicure
of my life today, and the lady was nice but the clipping and the
buffing was bad. The 30 second foot/leg massage at the end was heaven,
but also a little gay. I still have major guilt over paying people
for things that I can do myself, like nails and housecleaning.
4.
My mom's having surgery soon and I am freaked out.
5.
I don't get anything done and I'm wasting serious time.
6.
My cousin is leaving the US to work in Dubai in a month, and Dubai
is a freaky place.
7.
Still thinking about how unfunny I am, and Gray just said, "Do
you like to stew in your misery a lot?" Maybe this is why I
remain drunk between the hours of 8pm and bed.
