'CAUSE UP IN OUTER SPACE THERE'S NO GRAVITY TO FALL
I
just got back from San Diego where I had the worst culinary experiences
of my life. How does that happen in a town known for its cuisine?
God, blech. Gray and I have been giant barbecue fans ever since
we drove through Kansas City years ago and had some crazy awesome
meat and slaw, so when the baby and I tagged along for Siggraph
and found ourselves staying across the street from a place called
Kansas City Barbecue (which was coincidentally where the bar scene
in Top Gun was filmed a hundred years ago) we were all over it.
But yuck. Yuck. Who puts red peppers in cole slaw? Nobody sane,
that's who. And what barbecue place offers one kind of sauce and
not a whole assortment of flavors and hotnesses? This one, that's
what. Yuck. So I'm currently reviewing restaurants on a startup
website to make some $ and I gave this sucker the big thumbs down.
Otherwise,
San Diego was fine if not kind of boring. The baby and I walked
around a lot, and I bought him a sweatshirt with a sailboat on it.
We did not buy a $7.86 milkshake from Ben & Jerry's, but we
did order an omelete from room service that cost $24.00. If I could
review room service food I'd give that sucker a giant thumbs down,
too.
===
On
the drive back I was thinking about what I'd do if I ever had an
emergency bathroom situation with the baby. I mean say he's graduated
from his bucket carseat, which I can carry, to the bigger carseat
which is attached to the car. But say he isn't of walking age yet,
and say I don't have the stroller with me. So if we're driving down
the road and all of a sudden I have the biggest diarrhea ughs in
the world and I pull over to a gas station and run into the bathroom,
what do I do with the baby? I can't put him on the floor. So Gray
said I'd have to hold him in my lap and then he made up a song to
the tune of "Diarrhea" ("When you're sliding into
first and your pants begin to burst, diarrhea.") His diarrhea
song goes, "When you need to take a crap and he's sitting on
your lap, diarrhea." That's all there is to it. It made us
laugh. And I still don't know what I'll do if I have to make an
emergency pitstop.
===
The
stock market is killing me again. I can't get a break. Or, I get
a little break, and then the break gets taken away the next day.
This is what volatile is and it makes me nervous.
Diarrhea.
===
In
case you've ever wondered whether or not I have a nice husband,
we had this conversation the other day. I wrote it down because
it's special. He was holding the baby.
GRAY
(to the baby)
Your mommy's crazy.
ME
Nice.
GRAY
(whispering)
She's just a woman.
ME
Don't say that kind of thing or
he'll grow up to be creepy and misogynistic.
GRAY
(to the baby)
Your mommy likes massages.
===
Lastly,
Tears for Fears was pretty great. We had 4th row center seats and
when Roland came out and was looking around for familiar faces I
got a smile and a wave. Seriously, I swear I'm not telling you hallucinating
lies. It was rad. It was a very nice time, but not of the impregnating
variety. The thing that makes me crazy though is that there is always
some drunk skanky whore at these things who bustles her way to the
front and then shimmies obnoxiously while the rest of us roll our
eyes and will her to go away. Why is this girl always at these concerts?
She's not there for the music. Oh, wait, I know. She wants to be
picked out of the crowd and acknowledged by the famous musicians.
Why didn't I think of that strategy like fifteen years ago?
===
PS.
My iTunes library just right now diareeahed on itself for the third
time in a year. All playlists (think mixtapes) gone. Gone. I wish
it was a restaurant so I could give it a negative nine stars and
help close its kitchen.
Also,
I found this link
for baby photo retouching on a blog I read, and it despairs me.
Despair as a verb, that's how powerful it is. Yikes and yuck.
