August 23, 2002
3:44pm Friday

MY OWN LITTLE WORLD IS WHAT I DESERVE

I am a complete and utter moron. I astound myself sometimes, really. If there's an idiot degree, I should get an honorary one, just for being such a super overachieving blooming fucknut.

I wrote a short film and it's, I daresay, genius. I can't wait to shoot it, and when it's ready to be uploaded to the masses it will reach one person and then immediately go viral. This is how wonderful it is. The only problem, and it's kinda a biggie, is that the script requires the acting talent of some pretty well-known faces. Faces from the 80s. Faces who will ask their agents, "Which other faces are doing this and why should I be the first to sign on?" So anything that will help me get these faces to join the project, any kind of someone-who-knows-someone who knows them, anything will help. And since it's going to be nearly impossible as a no-name to get them to agree, something like, say, bumping into one of the people I already wrote a funny part for at the Van Nuys Costco would be very, very beneficial in talking up the project and feeling them out for it and in ultimately convincing them to come on board.

So MacKenzie Phillips is in line in front of me, buying something like six hundred dollars' worth of party foods, in cash. I'm staring at the little star tattoos on her left shoulder, giving myself a pep talk to approach her about the film. Except my version of a pep talk is like, "Do it. No, don't do it, you'll sound like a freak. She looks really busy buying those cups and napkins. Go do it, she'll be flattered. No don't do it, it's like interrupting celebrities when they're eating, it's totally forbidden. How will you pitch the story? What if she says no right here in front of all these people and then you still have to stand behind her in line? Her boyfriend's really short. I wonder if she has heroin marks in the crooks of her arm. Ask her! She'll say no, and it'll be fricking weird."

So I didn't do it. I did drive around the parking lot looking for her, and planned to just roll down my window and say, "So how do you feel about short films? Would you consider acting in one?" but I couldn't find her or the short boyfriend. I deserve what I get, man. And what I've got to get are bigger balls.

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I ordered a Macintosh 867 dual processor G4 this morning, and a 17" flat screen. If you're going to go seriously into debt, go into debt in style = my new philosophy.

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I'm introducing Gray to my writer's group tonight at Movie Night. It'll be interesting to see how everybody gets along because Gray's personality is like 180 degrees from theirs. And he's huge, and they're tiny.

Nobody knows what we're watching yet - it was going to be "Meet the Feebles" but someone vetoed it cuz they have a muppet phobia.