With
all the warnings doctors yell about -- no eating mercury-filled
fish, no booze, no bologna sandwiches -- why oh why didn't they
warn me about chewing gum? I realized this morning that I've been
chewing stick after stick of Wrigley's every day, which is filled
with aspartame. Fuck. I might as well have been eating french fries
and wine coolers for breakfast every day for the past fifteen weeks.
===
This
is really the only reason I want to write today:
Will
someone buy this for me for my advanced maternal age birthday coming
up in October?
"Guaranteed
laughs fo everyone!" RAD. Probably guaranteed better than an
Auto-Cool, too.
===
After
being told the movie theater-caught story, Gray's parents have suggested
we give up our life of crime in the interest of our unborn child.
NEVER, I say. We just need to be smarter.
===
As
soon as I found out I was pregnant I gave up playing softball. After
the leg injury I figured it would be just as easy for a ball to
pop me in the gut, and I didn't want to take the chance. So I kept
going to the games to support them and cheer, but said I had back
pain and couldn't play, and every week they'd go, "How's your
back? What's wrong with your back, exactly?" and I'd have to
keep lying. And then there was a guy on the team with true back
pain, like needs-a-cane pain, and so I felt horrible standing in
the back-injury spotlight with him. But last night I told them I'm
knocked up and they all forgave me and said, "But when it's
born you can strap it to your back and start playing again, right?"
It's nice to have friends who would sacrifice the health and welfare
of a newborn to win games.
