Oh
the vagaries of the English language. Did I make you think that
I was contemplating affairs in my last post with the wandering eye
business? As you surely found by the end, I was talking about my
physical eyeballs, but it's just scary that I sometimes say "writer"
when people ask me what I do and it never even occured to me that
'wandering eye' would be taken in any way but the crosseyed-variety
way. I blame it on lazy baby brain. My synapses are hiding under
some bibs and diapers in the corner over there.
===
So,
wow, so much time has elapsed. Recap of the last two weeks: Fall
has arrived in Los Angeles, which is nice. The light has changed,
the air is different and cooler, and I bought a new coat (I'm kind
of a coat whore) at The Gap which I actually wore out to dinner
the other night in Pasadena when I went to a friend's birthday party
without my husband and baby which was kind of fun and liberating.
And I sat across from a guy who Gray and I used to hang out with
like every weekend and have fun with until he got stupid married
and then mysteriously disappeared off the face of the earth. The
rest of our group thinks his wife hates us because we have history
with him, which is pure conjecture but most likely true. At this
dinner I had salmon, which I made sure was wild and the waiter assured
me it was although he was Italian (or pretending to be; you can
never be sure who's an actor and practicing around here) but I think
something was lost in translation because it tasted like it was
caught in a canal. Also on the plate were twelve tiny cubes of potatoes,
and an ice cream-sized scoop of spinach. I don't know about you,
but I've become accustomed to Cheesecake Factory-sized portions,
and when a blob of fish and some other random morsels are presented
to me for $22, I kind of lose my mind. I'm a breastfeeder, I need
calories. ("I'm a breastfeeder." Does that sound like
I'm the one doing the breastfeeding or does it sound like I'm on
the receiving end?) And I didn't drink any wine, although our table
of 12 people bought four bottles of it. FOUR. And I was smart to
stay away from it, because then I didn't have to pay for four bottles
split six ways. Yes, still cheap. Also, this is the runningest runon
paragraph ever. Also, I stopped at the Del Taco drive-thru on the
way home for a chicken burrito.
===
At
tonight's softball game I was at bat three times. I hit out once
but got an RBI, got on base once with a good hit over the third
baseman's head, and hit it so somebody else got tagged out but I
was safe. It was kind of a boring game, but I still do that thing
where I re-run every single mistake through my head for days. I
think I need OCD drugs. The baby comes into the dugout with us and
it's fun. Gray and I take turns babysitting him: he plays, then
I play, and if we happen to be batting back to back then random
people on the team look after him. I think this can only cut down
on the separation anxiety that is scheduled to appear in a month
or two.
I
could go on for a few minutes about baby things, but I won't except
to say that today he had avocado for the first time and hated it
(big fan of the acorn squash, though) and now poops about once every
three days and they're COLOSSAL and usually come when we're walking
around Target, and that he sits up for about twenty seconds at a
time but then his big head makes him fall over, and he has two bottom
teeth that are cute but weren't so cute when he kept biting me the
weekend before last and even drew blood, and I was in so much pain
I ran out and bought a pump and thought I'd never be able to feed
him again but now he's stopped being a wee vampire, thank goodness,
and also he's now having some unfortunate sleeping issues which
have led us to unfortunately start a cry-it-out regimine. And if
you don't think it's hard letting a baby wail in his room while
you sit in yours with a pillow over your head cursing yourself for
being an awful, unfeeling parent, then you don't got no wailing
baby.
===
We
got a terrible new TV service called AT&T U-Verse. Have I already
complained about this? So far I've spent about 10 hours of my life
on the phone with them, and today when I had a problem and was calling,
calling, calling, I looked down at my notebook at the end of all
the calling and had ten 1-800 numbers written down. Those jerks
need to centralize their bullshit and get their acts together. The
worst though was coming home tonight, tonight being when all the
new fall shows start, and turning on the TV and having the giant
AT&T U-Verse blue screen of death glare at us. Hadn't recorded
anything. Balls. My personality, when it comes to services that
are essential and cost a lot of money (i.e. cable TV and internet),
can be summed up this way: tomorrow I'll call them and ask them
to give me a free month for all the trouble endured, and if they
say no I'll cancel it. Odds are they won't let me off the phone
without giving me the free month. By the way, a few months ago when
I canceled the newspaper over them pulling "For Better For
Worse," they called me three days later to say that they were
bringing the comic back, and would I like to resume the paper with
two months free and a free Entertainment coupon book? This is America,
and we must speak with our wallets.
===
And
so today was dictator dipshit day at Columbia University, I hear.
I shy away from politics around here, of course, but my goodness.
What a motherfucking nutjob.
===
I've
discovered a wonderful thing on the internet that for some reason
hadn't been on my radar until recently: Etsy.
It's like crafty utopia. I've been making the baby lots of silkscreened
clothes (think music-themed baby onesies), and I want to share them
with the world so maybe I'll sell them there. And also buy some
things, because why the hello would you buy anybody a generically
store-bought gift ever again when there's so much awesomeness to
choose from there?
