It's
birthday time again, and I've decided not to count anymore. What
is age, anyway? Isn't it just a state of mind? Or is it wrinkled
skin and flab and the realization that it's too late to do most
of the things you wanted to do with your life? Oh god why didn't
someone just put a bomb in my cake.
We
didn't go away anywhere exciting to celebrate like we did last year,
so I don't have stories of germie jacuzzi tubs. The closest I got
to that was my parents took us out for a Japanese lunch the other
day and it gave me the squirts. Happy birthday to me!
Today,
to extend the birthday shenanigans, I met two of my friends at the
Long Beach Aquarium where we had a picnic lunch and then they paid
for my entrance. Friend #1 said, "Are you going to have a problem
with the fishes in captivity?" because you see I have banned
the LA Zoo from my life due to the fact that all the pacing animals
in their 10x10 foot cells make me want to die/set them free, and
my friends think I'm stoopid for having a baby and never going to
the zoo and that I have antiquated notions about animals in cages.
But no, I don't have a problem with fishes in tanks swimming around
for my pleasure. What I do have a problem with is the parking structure
adjacent to the Aquarium, which is billed as the Aquarium's parking
lot but in fact belongs to the city. Why do I know this? Because
they tried to rip me off and I called them on their bullshit and
won. Everyone takes a ticket when they go into the parking garage.
It's a $6 flat rate for Aquarium parking. So when I was leaving,
I handed the lady my parking ticket, said I was at the Aquarium,
and got my $6 ready. The lady said, "Can I see your Aquarium
ticket?" I said no, my friends treated me and I didn't have
one. She said Did you buy anything at the gift shop? A snack or
a coffee? Nope. So she calculated my time in the garage and said,
"Nine dollars." Needless to say, my injustice meter shot
into the red zone and I started waving the cars behind me towards
the next parking lot checker. I told her I could prove I'd been
at the Aquarium with digital photos and even video. She wasn't interested.
Long story short, after lots of filibustering on my end, I told
her I was going to stay there until she agreed to take my six dollars.
So she called her supervisor after making a big deal about how it
was a big deal to call him. She finally punched the panic button
and he walked out of a room ten feet from us. I explained my situation,
offered to show him my photos, said I'd been a guest at the Aquarium
but an Aquarium visitor nonetheless, and that what's fair is fair
and I should only pay $6. He agreed, on a "one-time-only basis".
Then I had to write my name and phone number on the back of my parking
ticket, presumably so they can find me and come kill me in my sleep.
When he went back to his booth, I said to her, "Wouldn't you
have done the same thing as me?" and she said no, and that
in her two years of working there she'd never had to call her supervisor
before and that she would probably get in trouble when I left. Oh,
jesus. For three dollars I just got somebody fired. But listen,
you've got to stand up to injustice. And she clearly has to stand
up to the little boss in the booth more.
Random
things: my email went kaput. It was stealthpunch @ hotmaildotcom,
and when I checked it the other day for the first time in a month
or two, everything was gone. So if you wrote to me, gone. If you
would like to say hi starting now and in the future, you can do
it to the same name but @ aol dot com.
Also
random: If you ever order anything from Spiegel, tell them right
off not to sell your name to other mailing lists. My god I've gotten
like 100 bad lady catalogs in a month since I bought some sheets
from them. Or, stay on the list if you like many long linen tunics
with a nice drape.
Also,
do not buy AT&T U-Verse fiber optic cable/internet if it's offered
in your area, no matter how cool it sounds. Seriously, consider
this your official warning. They're retarded, and there's no help
or end in sight.
Things
I got for my birthday: several books,
all about Japanese things strangely, plus there was the Japanese
lunch, so I don't know what's going on. There is my admitted love
for tall half-Japanese boys, but this seems unrelated. And a camera
flash.
Nice. And a mudd pie from Baskin Robbins. And a bottle of wine,
which I will drink sparingly, and a couple of CDs.
Yes, I am the one person still buying them. My favorite thing to
do on my birthday as previously documented is eat like an obese
person, so here was my dinner:
And,
his highness is almost 7 months old. Where does the time go?
