FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN I'VE BEEN MOVED LIKE A PAWN
I'm
thinking about baking some scary ghost cookies from a recipe that
was in today's newspaper, but I'm hesitating. Why, you may ask?
Because yesterday the inevitable happened: I got called fat by my
OB. And while it is true that right now as I type this I'm enjoying
a pre-lunch snack of ten pistachio nuts, I will offer up the idea
that perhaps it is not all that unusual to gain more than the recommended
four pounds in five months when creating a whole new human being
from scratch. Are you with me? And I only ate nine pistachio nuts
right now because one was sealed closed and I couldn't get to it.
So
now I have to take the glucose/gestational diabetes test a month
early, and I have to stop using the 2% milk the specialist told
me to eat with my cereal -- ("but don't I need the extra calcium?"
"No, that was before the weight gain") -- but I don't
mind because it tasted like I was drinking heavy cream straight
out of a heifer anyway. So no more white foods, she says. Bread,
pasta, rice, all of it out. And no more french fries, which means
I might die. I've already given up whisky, what do they want from
me? This fetus is already controlling my life.
===
Here's
what I've been doing in my long absence: I went to the beach with
my mother after seeing the play "Rabbit Hole" starring
Tate Donovan, which was good, except a little troubling as the subject
matter revolved around the loss of a child; then I spent two days
at the Screenwriting Expo5, as brought to you by the email-crazy
motherfuckers of Creative Screenwriting magazine. I say that in
frustration after receiving seven emails daily from them leading
up to the conference, and then when my badge came in the mail it
didn't say where the convention was being held and I had to call
them to find out. I wonder how organized they were for year one?
Anyway, it sucked big fat eggs and was totally geared towards out-of-towners
who aren't used to hearing industry professionals complain about
the industry. If I have to hear one more screenwriter in my life
blather about how he hates development notes I swear I will consume
nine gallons of whisky and fifty pounds of french fries all in one
sitting.
Highlights
were the Stephen Susco (The Grudge) and Lee Wahnell (Saw) panel
where they talked about horror, sort of. I mean they talked about
horror but it was only sort of a conference highlight. That was
Friday. Then on Saturday the day was spent listening to Pixar people
talk about Pixar, which was only sort of a highlight, too. Okay,
so the whole thing was a gigantic-ass waste of time and I didn't
learn anything I didn't already know and what am I doing at a wannabe
screenwriting convention anyway? I must be bored.
===
In
other somewhat related news, my script is finished and documentary
#1 is on its way to completion. Documentary #2 (have I talked about
its subject yet? I can never remember) has started and that'll be
the fun one. Right now I need some new friends who will read my
script with fresh eyes and give me honest notes. You'd be surprised
how hard it is to get people to tell you the truth about a thing
like a screenplay.
===
Now
I'm off to stuff my piehole with a tunafish sandwich minus the bread.
Delicious.
