I
have to tell you that I really can't stand being called ma'am. The
first time I remember it happening was about two years ago at the
Burbank Lowe's Home Improvement store, and some young and clearly
extremely IQ-deficient high schooler at the register goes, "Sign
there, ma'am," and it was to say the least not the high point
of my life. But now, NOW, it's happening on the phone. A lot. Did
my voice suddenly get all oldie now that I've had a kid? It happened
today when I was making a baby appointment for him, so maybe the
receptionist was being mom-respectful or something, but then it
happened again later in the day when I made a hotel reservation.
One could argue that one would have to be of a certain age to go
on vacation and rent a room, but did she really have to say ma'am?
Doesn't she know she's ruining my vacation before I even hit the
road? Maybe there's an Oil of Olay rejuvinating voice balm I can
buy.
===
I
am ill. I've decided I hate being ill; I always think I'm going
to die. This is mostly the fault of the internet which can turn
a hangnail into deadly staph, but the hypochondriacal colorwheel
in my head is enough to do the trick on its own. I don't get sick
too often, and I definitely never throw up. In fact, I haven't thrown
up in exactly twenty years. I made it through drinking like a fish
in college and let's admit it way beyond college, and I made it
through pregnancy, and now this. Like Jerry Seinfeld and the dinner
party episode -- my no vomiting streak is over.
And
it's the m-fing stomach flu. I thought it was food poisoning, but
my doctor said that food poisoning usually involves copious amounts
of blood shooting out your rear, of which thank god it is not. I
will not go into the details of what is, but needless to say you
do not want any of it, and you definitely don't want to mix your
saliva with mine or you'll be in trouble too. We think it came from
Gray's workplace, just like the last cold I had, and just like that
time it leapfrogged him and snuggled into me. Oh well, I did want
to lose 5 pounds before Thanksgiving.
The
worst thing is that the Rotavirus vaccine is one of two that we
declined for Stealthpunch Junior, and while I don't know for sure
that it's the Rotavirus, it is on the list of stomach flu viruses.
So if he makes it through without getting it, and - knock wood -
he has so far, then perhaps he will be immune and able to go on
any cruise ship anywhere for the rest of his life without getting
the shits.
Normally
I like to wait till the end for the photograph, but I just couldn't.
Is he still cute or is it just me? My goodness those little thighs
are fat. It would be a perfect picture if his feet weren't chopped
off like he was a sad (but smiling) Chechnic war orphan.
Gray's
favorite thing is when people go up to the baby and say "He
looks just like his daddy!" and then they lean into the baby
and tickle his belly and go, "You're so cute!" and Gray
smiles and goes "Thanks!" It's exceptionally dorky.
===
I
know the writer's strike is in no way regional, and that all of
you across the country have heard everything I've heard about it,
except perhaps that Jeff Garlin (from Curb) likes to go around offering
striking writers pronography. My writer friend has been faithfully
walking the line, as apparently you're obligated to do, like you
have to sign in, which I didn't know, and which apparently some
of the the fancy-pants highly paid writers are paying their underlings
to go do for them. So he's been meeting various celebrities (what
did Kim Delaney do to her FACE?) and Jeff Garlin's offer has so
far been the weirdest. I don't know if he took him up on it. What
kind of materials would a guy like Garlin provide? I accidentally
saw adults dressed in diapers doing unspeakable things on video
once. I imagine it would be something like that.
Also,
weird fun things come out of searching Flickr for strike photos.
You find that it's amazing how accessible everything is these days,
and how I found a set
of pictures of the writers of Carpoolers in their office on their
presumably last day of work. For someone who purposefully takes
walks just as darkness is falling so that I can see into people's
houses, this kind of voyeurism is right up my alley. Those photos
will probably be pretty boring to most people (sorry, photographer,
if you find your way back to this, but on the plus side you have
nice tattoos) but they might springboard you into finding others
that you like.
===
One
more photo before the weekend, you say? Okay, if you insist.
